Q. My partner and I have been together for several years and lately it feels like we’ve gotten lazy in the romance department. Any suggestions for how to spice things up?

A. This is one of the questions we get asked a lot! When you’ve been with your partner a while, everyday life can overwhelm the romance, forcing it onto a back burner. While no one expects romance 24/7 for the rest of their lives, investing a little time and effort in creating romantic moments now and then can recharge your relationship.

For me, the best romantic moments aren’t those that are “supposed” to be romantic, like Valentine’s Day or an anniversary. In fact, it can often be disappointing to try to arrange a romantic experience on Valentine’s Day and then not have it go the way you planned — you or your partner may end up frustrated or with hurt feelings, the opposite of what you want!

Being intentional during an ordinary day is a great way to introduce a little more romance into your life. Why not pick up a bouquet of roses during your weekly grocery store run? Or make your partner’s favorite meal on a day when he or she could use some comfort food. Or line up a bunch of your partner’s favorite movies on a day when he or she is under the weather.

In other word, extravagent gestures aren’t needed. But a little intentional thoughtfulness throughout the week goes a long way toward bringing some spark back into your relationship.

— Jennifer Lawler, Crimson Romance editor

One thought on “Q. My partner and I have been together for several years and lately it feels like we’ve gotten lazy in the romance department. Any suggestions for how to spice things up?

  1. M.J. Schiller

    Couldn’t agree with you more! However, my husband of twenty-four years is not apt to do any of these things. Does that hurt my feelings? Sometimes. That’s when I try to think of all of the other reasons I love him. And those few romantic things that he has done over the years get a lot of mileage, because when I’m down because he didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day, or what-have-you, I think about those moments and make them suffice. Or I do something for him. Love is, after all, about self-sacrifice, isn’t it? I think keeping a relationship fresh and new is mostly about attitude and how you choose to look at things.

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