A: In my little boy’s class, when it’s time to stop an activity and change direction, the teacher calls out, “Stop, look, and listen.” And all the kids sing back, “Stop, look, and listen!”
This technique works just as well for grown-ups! You’re obviously ready for a change of direction. But it’s hard to be completely sure about anything in life, especially major turning points like this. So before you leap into being a grown-up, take some time to think like a first grader…
Stop. It’s easy for the momentum of life to carry us along, until suddenly years have gone past and we wonder, “How did I get here?” Let yourself get off the merry-go-round for a while, so you have a chance to evaluate. Still the conflicting voices in your head. Breathe.
Look. Have a good look at where you are now. Is this how you imagined and hoped your life would be? If not, how much of that is to do with you, not your man? Does your relationship need major changes, or are things actually pretty good?
Listen. Listen to your heart, and pinpoint what you really want. Are you having to compromise on your deal-breakers? Does the idea of being without him make you feel relieved – or like you lost something important?
Maybe your current guy isn’t the one you should marry and have kids with. But equally, it could be jitters about entering a new phase in your life. Often, indecisiveness is fear in disguise. Don’t let it sneak in undercover and sabotage your happiness! If you have something good together, don’t throw it away because you’re unsure about your next grown-up step. On the other hand, if you feel in your heart that he’s not the right guy, don’t settle and let the momentum carry you along, because you’re afraid you might never find someone else.
At this point, you need to find your new direction, whatever it is. So stop, look and listen to yourself – and then listen to your man. Maybe you’ll discover that you’re both a little nervous about this next big step – but excited too! And eventually you might have your own little first graders, as proof that you did the right thing.
~ Serena Clarke, author of All Over the Place